ok so like all I see on instagram right now is all this lolla this and lolla that let me brag about seeing every f*cking cool indie band on the universe right now all at once yeahhh look at me!!
I just don't get it, y'all.
how do I get THAT life and $hit?
these music festivals goers LITERally just hop around the world from one cool festival to another drinking beer and dancing and being wasted and drugged up. like real life hippies. except I know that shirt came from free people and I KNOW that $hit aint cheap. how do these people afford that $hit yet all they do is dance freely from one sweaty druggy festival to another? even if I had the schedule to do it I sure as hell wouldn't have the MONEY$$ y'all. these 'I look like I work at whole foods and make min wage and ride my bike and save the planet' hippies sure as hell must be bankin. rollin in some major cash, y'all. those cutoffs and vintage tees don't buy themselves, y'all!!!!
then they post that
$hit for all of us non music festival goers to see. dreamy filters on
pix of these bands playing with a perfect sunset and perfect city
skyline and perfect indie hipsters dressed in perfect indie $hit.
wtf. jealz. major jealz.
like, move to CALI already!!
SOMEtimezz it's what I do
sometimes..
sometimes I spend hours going through alllll my old profile pix. if I'm feeling low or had a bad day or some $hit or woke up with a nasty a$$ zit on my face or something. you know, just to remember how pretty I am and make myself feel better seeing that my old crush 'liked' my low cut cleavage pic and that b*tch I hated in high school commenting 'omg you are like so damn HAWT'. yeah, that $hit is good for my self esteem. sometimes I just go back and read how much people love me and think I'm pretty. then I leave my apt like feelin sooo much hawter. see people on the street and think damn, don't you wish you were this hawttt. bet you didn't have 19 'likes' on your last profile pix in the first 20 min of posting that $hit. 6 comments and one from an ex boyfriend. yeah, I am THAT hawt. bet you aren't that cool and popular as me. probably don't even has as many facebook friends as me!!
sometimes I just like to do that $hit before I start my day. coffee and some facebook esteem building. just to remind myself how much I love myself and mostly how everyone loves ME. #lovemyfriends #blessed #popularb*tch
sometimes I spend hours going through alllll my old profile pix. if I'm feeling low or had a bad day or some $hit or woke up with a nasty a$$ zit on my face or something. you know, just to remember how pretty I am and make myself feel better seeing that my old crush 'liked' my low cut cleavage pic and that b*tch I hated in high school commenting 'omg you are like so damn HAWT'. yeah, that $hit is good for my self esteem. sometimes I just go back and read how much people love me and think I'm pretty. then I leave my apt like feelin sooo much hawter. see people on the street and think damn, don't you wish you were this hawttt. bet you didn't have 19 'likes' on your last profile pix in the first 20 min of posting that $hit. 6 comments and one from an ex boyfriend. yeah, I am THAT hawt. bet you aren't that cool and popular as me. probably don't even has as many facebook friends as me!!
sometimes I just like to do that $hit before I start my day. coffee and some facebook esteem building. just to remind myself how much I love myself and mostly how everyone loves ME. #lovemyfriends #blessed #popularb*tch
I've got 99 problems, but a b*tch ain't one
wow. just WOW. ran into a mega b*tch last night. thought that type of $hit stayed at the playground I was at in effin THIRD GRADE!!
anywho, my friend had a 'bff' and I use that term loosely since this b*tch was her bff way back in like middle school. apparently she just got majorly dumped on her a$$ by her 5 year boyfriend so she needed her 'bff' again. hadn't talked to her in like 5 years but oh yeah now she needs her..#notfoolinme #fake
so this girl LITerally comes into town and we all do dinner last night and omg holy hell this girl was a b*tch. never met someone who first greets you with a glare and says 'oh yeah I already saw you on facebook pix. you actually look a little skinnier in person.' UM WOW nice to meet you too majorb*tch!! like OMG. I just don't do that $hit anymore. don't do drama. #maturity
so dinner was nothing short of a disasssster and I totes left those crazies to go home and eat some ben&jerrys and stalk instagram. wishin I was at tha beach or some $hit seeing all these fancies posting #funinthesun pix. feet in the sand and some $hit. lucky b*tches. I'll just eat my ben & jerrys and watch real houswives reruns.
anywho, my friend had a 'bff' and I use that term loosely since this b*tch was her bff way back in like middle school. apparently she just got majorly dumped on her a$$ by her 5 year boyfriend so she needed her 'bff' again. hadn't talked to her in like 5 years but oh yeah now she needs her..#notfoolinme #fake
so this girl LITerally comes into town and we all do dinner last night and omg holy hell this girl was a b*tch. never met someone who first greets you with a glare and says 'oh yeah I already saw you on facebook pix. you actually look a little skinnier in person.' UM WOW nice to meet you too majorb*tch!! like OMG. I just don't do that $hit anymore. don't do drama. #maturity
so dinner was nothing short of a disasssster and I totes left those crazies to go home and eat some ben&jerrys and stalk instagram. wishin I was at tha beach or some $hit seeing all these fancies posting #funinthesun pix. feet in the sand and some $hit. lucky b*tches. I'll just eat my ben & jerrys and watch real houswives reruns.
hungry as a mothabear
starving!! waiting for my bff (lylasforlife) to wake her lazy a$$ up so we can go brunch and $hit. craving like an omelette with home fries or pancakes OMG my stomach is DYYYING LITerally.
so last night was pretty fun..we went for cocktails and I skipped dinner (eating is CHEATING!!!) so I got pretty drunk pretty fast. we went to our fave dancing club and they played allll my fave indie songs so I was in my element. sort of forgot I was even with a friend there or where I even was LMFAO!!! so it was fun. music videos and $hit.
then I accidentally got a taxi without my bff. yeah I said I was IN MY ELEMENT dancing and $hit and sometimezzz I forget about what's going on around me. dancing with all the dark and crazy lights and $hit does that to me, y'all. like it's 1999 or some $hit.
so she finally made it back to my apartment and was pissed the hell off at me and made me like literally walk with her a$$ to Taco C to get some tacos and $hit.
now I wish she'd wake her a$$ up so we can go brunch then sun bathe by my pool while drinking girly cocktails, sheeesh. wake up boo!
#blessed
so last night was pretty fun..we went for cocktails and I skipped dinner (eating is CHEATING!!!) so I got pretty drunk pretty fast. we went to our fave dancing club and they played allll my fave indie songs so I was in my element. sort of forgot I was even with a friend there or where I even was LMFAO!!! so it was fun. music videos and $hit.
then I accidentally got a taxi without my bff. yeah I said I was IN MY ELEMENT dancing and $hit and sometimezzz I forget about what's going on around me. dancing with all the dark and crazy lights and $hit does that to me, y'all. like it's 1999 or some $hit.
so she finally made it back to my apartment and was pissed the hell off at me and made me like literally walk with her a$$ to Taco C to get some tacos and $hit.
now I wish she'd wake her a$$ up so we can go brunch then sun bathe by my pool while drinking girly cocktails, sheeesh. wake up boo!
#blessed
OMFG LANA UPDATE!!
OMFG GURL!! you did it AGAIN!! so damn HAWT AND SAUCY!!! this gurl rockzzz. what is up with this video, gurl? I mean I LOVED me some 'video games' and $hit but this is CRAZYPANTS!!! like OMG LANA!
love you girl. do your thang.
TGIFUNDAY
happy FRIDAYYY!! happy TGIFUNDAY to everyone!! what are y'all doing this weekendzz?? drinking that drank? dancing at tha club? #girlTIME #dontneednoman
I'm just counting down the rest of today at this lame a$$ job of mine. feeling sort of bloated, y'all from that chipotle for lunch! damn, I like freebirds better!! #freebirdsforLIFE but I can't wait to get my drink on and my dance on TOnight. maybe I'll even make out with a HOTTIE!! #truetalk
gonna go all out with the cat eyes and $hit makeup tonight. maybe even some justin beiber perfume!! (I hear that gets all the men!! HAWT!) can't even wait for this $hit. can't even wait to get off work!! it's going down toniiiight! can't wait to post pix bragging about how much better my life is than everyone elses LMFAO!!!
happy friday! #partyintheusa #themesong
I'm just counting down the rest of today at this lame a$$ job of mine. feeling sort of bloated, y'all from that chipotle for lunch! damn, I like freebirds better!! #freebirdsforLIFE but I can't wait to get my drink on and my dance on TOnight. maybe I'll even make out with a HOTTIE!! #truetalk
gonna go all out with the cat eyes and $hit makeup tonight. maybe even some justin beiber perfume!! (I hear that gets all the men!! HAWT!) can't even wait for this $hit. can't even wait to get off work!! it's going down toniiiight! can't wait to post pix bragging about how much better my life is than everyone elses LMFAO!!!
happy friday! #partyintheusa #themesong
wine + tears
I really most be getting old I mean I LITerally CRIED TEARS last night. I remember when I used to drink a few glasses of wine and be ready for the partayyy, but now it makes me transform into some crazy psycho emo nostalgic NIGHTMARE. I mean you'd think I was high as a kite or somethingggz but no no. just a glass of that red wine (on sale at target!!) good $hit too!! that sassy sister stuff or middle child or whatevs it is called!
anywho, I thought I deserved some when work was extra STRESSSSFUL yesterday and the office phone was LITerally ringing off tha damn hook. I mean I barely had time to update my facebook status more than three timez and stalk Joe Jonas and Miley on twitter!! I mean WTF?! so when happy hour with my crush flaked (he's TOTES into me, he just really had to stay in and catch up on his tv episodes of swamp people, y'all!!) I just thought I'd treat myself #doingME to some red wine.
so I get home and pour myself a glass and turn on the tv and OMG. just start BALLING. like literally!!! I got on facebook and went through allll the 1,108 photos tagged of me and like miss my old boyfriend and old friends and being YOUNG. so I drunk dial my old boyfriend and leave him some voicemail GAWD KNOWS WHAT. and he like texted me this morning with some lame response like 'lol send me pics'. (there's a reason he is an EX). and like started listening to backstreet boyz and $hit like that. spice girls and $hit. went for a drunk rollerblade around the neighborhood and rollerbladed in some dog $hit. yeah, literally ATE $HIT as they say. so like I kept thinking about how being a kid was so easy peasy and how it's hard to grow up and all that. and feeling sorry for myself. it was like HARDCORE depression $hit running through my head, y'all!! damn. I'm a mess I think. should I be on anti-depress meds?? am I suicidal? what DOES. THIS. MEAN. ?! probably just need my own reality show. then I'd get rich and famous and would be super happy like all those KardashKlans are. #KimmyK #loveyougurl #doingyourthang
lesson learned. no more red wine without my girlfriendzzz or a HAWT MAN. #truth
anywho, I thought I deserved some when work was extra STRESSSSFUL yesterday and the office phone was LITerally ringing off tha damn hook. I mean I barely had time to update my facebook status more than three timez and stalk Joe Jonas and Miley on twitter!! I mean WTF?! so when happy hour with my crush flaked (he's TOTES into me, he just really had to stay in and catch up on his tv episodes of swamp people, y'all!!) I just thought I'd treat myself #doingME to some red wine.
so I get home and pour myself a glass and turn on the tv and OMG. just start BALLING. like literally!!! I got on facebook and went through allll the 1,108 photos tagged of me and like miss my old boyfriend and old friends and being YOUNG. so I drunk dial my old boyfriend and leave him some voicemail GAWD KNOWS WHAT. and he like texted me this morning with some lame response like 'lol send me pics'. (there's a reason he is an EX). and like started listening to backstreet boyz and $hit like that. spice girls and $hit. went for a drunk rollerblade around the neighborhood and rollerbladed in some dog $hit. yeah, literally ATE $HIT as they say. so like I kept thinking about how being a kid was so easy peasy and how it's hard to grow up and all that. and feeling sorry for myself. it was like HARDCORE depression $hit running through my head, y'all!! damn. I'm a mess I think. should I be on anti-depress meds?? am I suicidal? what DOES. THIS. MEAN. ?! probably just need my own reality show. then I'd get rich and famous and would be super happy like all those KardashKlans are. #KimmyK #loveyougurl #doingyourthang
lesson learned. no more red wine without my girlfriendzzz or a HAWT MAN. #truth
LMFAO!!!
O.M.G. while sitting on my exponentially growing larger a$$ today at work getting paid minimum wage to twitter and social media-ize (that's right. $$ to do what I'd be doing anywayzz!) I. came. across. the. funniest. $hit. omg. #DYING!!!
she who won't be named from my high school in hellhole america just posted all these CRAY CRAY pix of herself taking her own pix in the mirror with her smarta$$ smart phone. DYING, Y'ALL. how pathetic is that. she's all fat and married up now. I mean, COME ON, I would never post pix of myself in anything but flattering light and with poses that don't shed light on the fact I now sit on my a$$ all day and drink my sorrows away at night. this gurlfriend was SO HAWT in high school and had all the HAWT GUYZ. looks like she has slipped into wifey mode now and lost that hotness. omg maybe she is preggers!! #spicygossipyall
meanwhile, I'm looking at this other post from CRAZYA$$ girl from back home too. (all the funniest $hit is from these back home people!! the ones who go extra cray cray because they never escaped that $hit). so anywayzz omg she apparently 'went to da club last night and ran into that b*tch agin. she a real trip. I got all crazy on dat hoe. she NO BETTA DAN TO TEXT MI MAN AGIN!!!' amen, sista. you tell a hoe what's up!
how pathetic are these people that never got out and got to get a good real 9-5 job like me where I get paid to sit on my a$$ all day and stare into the bright light. I'm DOING THINGZ with my life, y'all. breaking even every month. (student loans don't count though!!) I'm a real life grown up. good thing for facebook and twitter so I can spend mass amounts of time stalking and making fun of this lame a$$ $hit while I live alone with my cats in the city doing my thang. #livingthedreamyall
she who won't be named from my high school in hellhole america just posted all these CRAY CRAY pix of herself taking her own pix in the mirror with her smarta$$ smart phone. DYING, Y'ALL. how pathetic is that. she's all fat and married up now. I mean, COME ON, I would never post pix of myself in anything but flattering light and with poses that don't shed light on the fact I now sit on my a$$ all day and drink my sorrows away at night. this gurlfriend was SO HAWT in high school and had all the HAWT GUYZ. looks like she has slipped into wifey mode now and lost that hotness. omg maybe she is preggers!! #spicygossipyall
meanwhile, I'm looking at this other post from CRAZYA$$ girl from back home too. (all the funniest $hit is from these back home people!! the ones who go extra cray cray because they never escaped that $hit). so anywayzz omg she apparently 'went to da club last night and ran into that b*tch agin. she a real trip. I got all crazy on dat hoe. she NO BETTA DAN TO TEXT MI MAN AGIN!!!' amen, sista. you tell a hoe what's up!
how pathetic are these people that never got out and got to get a good real 9-5 job like me where I get paid to sit on my a$$ all day and stare into the bright light. I'm DOING THINGZ with my life, y'all. breaking even every month. (student loans don't count though!!) I'm a real life grown up. good thing for facebook and twitter so I can spend mass amounts of time stalking and making fun of this lame a$$ $hit while I live alone with my cats in the city doing my thang. #livingthedreamyall
fave songzz OMG
love you carly rae, girl! you do your thang!!
#almostFamous
I've been thinking lately. perhaps I should just get uber FAMOUS (OMG!!) and get my own reality show or something like that, y'all. I mean the KardashKlan does welllll for themselves. (I see them on nuts commercials and all that $hit and vitatrim or whatever that shiz is). anywho, I think it could work for me I mean all you do is shop around and look fancy pants. go on VACAY now and then.
but also I could be less famous and start a fashion blog where I just take cute pix of myself all day everyday and post that shiz. It's a worldwide #trend now, y'all. I mean I already to it for my instagram pics and all my social medias so why not just start my own blog devoted to me. a legit job for those of us that just don't have much interest in anything other than traveling, shopping, bragging about both (discreetly!!), and like loads of cash to burn on these things. I mean I always wanted a life of just going from music festival to music festival!
guess that means option 2 is out of the question seeing as how I just spent my 2 months savings on drinks for all my co-workers at thirsty thursday. peer pressure and too many rounds of tequila, y'all.
but also I could be less famous and start a fashion blog where I just take cute pix of myself all day everyday and post that shiz. It's a worldwide #trend now, y'all. I mean I already to it for my instagram pics and all my social medias so why not just start my own blog devoted to me. a legit job for those of us that just don't have much interest in anything other than traveling, shopping, bragging about both (discreetly!!), and like loads of cash to burn on these things. I mean I always wanted a life of just going from music festival to music festival!
guess that means option 2 is out of the question seeing as how I just spent my 2 months savings on drinks for all my co-workers at thirsty thursday. peer pressure and too many rounds of tequila, y'all.
reality check
once upon a time I was a kid with big dreams and ambitions and all that crazy hyper stuff. then one day I grew up and was like, wow REALITY CHECK. real life really isn't that great when you grow up. #shattereddreamsyall
I mean, I thought you grew up and had a bangin' checking account with lots of $$$. I mean I thought you just finished school and earned that title. BOY I was wrong. I work my a$$ off all day to barely make ends meet. then I go out and drink girly cocktails with my soul sisters (LYLAS!!) to try to cope. viscous cycle, y'all.
maybe I'll just meet a rich boy like all those other 'friends' from my back home town did and got all knocked up and $hit. maybe they weren't so dumb now that I think of it. in the meantime, I'll be drowning my sorrows in a skinnygirl martini, MEOW. hopefully I get some cute instagrams for my profile tonight and snag me a man. #hottiealert
I mean, I thought you grew up and had a bangin' checking account with lots of $$$. I mean I thought you just finished school and earned that title. BOY I was wrong. I work my a$$ off all day to barely make ends meet. then I go out and drink girly cocktails with my soul sisters (LYLAS!!) to try to cope. viscous cycle, y'all.
maybe I'll just meet a rich boy like all those other 'friends' from my back home town did and got all knocked up and $hit. maybe they weren't so dumb now that I think of it. in the meantime, I'll be drowning my sorrows in a skinnygirl martini, MEOW. hopefully I get some cute instagrams for my profile tonight and snag me a man. #hottiealert
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)