I really most be getting old I mean I LITerally CRIED TEARS last night. I remember when I used to drink a few glasses of wine and be ready for the partayyy, but now it makes me transform into some crazy psycho emo nostalgic NIGHTMARE. I mean you'd think I was high as a kite or somethingggz but no no. just a glass of that red wine (on sale at target!!) good $hit too!! that sassy sister stuff or middle child or whatevs it is called!
anywho, I thought I deserved some when work was extra STRESSSSFUL yesterday and the office phone was LITerally ringing off tha damn hook. I mean I barely had time to update my facebook status more than three timez and stalk Joe Jonas and Miley on twitter!! I mean WTF?! so when happy hour with my crush flaked (he's TOTES into me, he just really had to stay in and catch up on his tv episodes of swamp people, y'all!!) I just thought I'd treat myself #doingME to some red wine.
so I get home and pour myself a glass and turn on the tv and OMG. just start BALLING. like literally!!! I got on facebook and went through allll the 1,108 photos tagged of me and like miss my old boyfriend and old friends and being YOUNG. so I drunk dial my old boyfriend and leave him some voicemail GAWD KNOWS WHAT. and he like texted me this morning with some lame response like 'lol send me pics'. (there's a reason he is an EX). and like started listening to backstreet boyz and $hit like that. spice girls and $hit. went for a drunk rollerblade around the neighborhood and rollerbladed in some dog $hit. yeah, literally ATE $HIT as they say. so like I kept thinking about how being a kid was so easy peasy and how it's hard to grow up and all that. and feeling sorry for myself. it was like HARDCORE depression $hit running through my head, y'all!! damn. I'm a mess I think. should I be on anti-depress meds?? am I suicidal? what DOES. THIS. MEAN. ?! probably just need my own reality show. then I'd get rich and famous and would be super happy like all those KardashKlans are. #KimmyK #loveyougurl #doingyourthang
lesson learned. no more red wine without my girlfriendzzz or a HAWT MAN. #truth
LMFAO!!!
O.M.G. while sitting on my exponentially growing larger a$$ today at work getting paid minimum wage to twitter and social media-ize (that's right. $$ to do what I'd be doing anywayzz!) I. came. across. the. funniest. $hit. omg. #DYING!!!
she who won't be named from my high school in hellhole america just posted all these CRAY CRAY pix of herself taking her own pix in the mirror with her smarta$$ smart phone. DYING, Y'ALL. how pathetic is that. she's all fat and married up now. I mean, COME ON, I would never post pix of myself in anything but flattering light and with poses that don't shed light on the fact I now sit on my a$$ all day and drink my sorrows away at night. this gurlfriend was SO HAWT in high school and had all the HAWT GUYZ. looks like she has slipped into wifey mode now and lost that hotness. omg maybe she is preggers!! #spicygossipyall
meanwhile, I'm looking at this other post from CRAZYA$$ girl from back home too. (all the funniest $hit is from these back home people!! the ones who go extra cray cray because they never escaped that $hit). so anywayzz omg she apparently 'went to da club last night and ran into that b*tch agin. she a real trip. I got all crazy on dat hoe. she NO BETTA DAN TO TEXT MI MAN AGIN!!!' amen, sista. you tell a hoe what's up!
how pathetic are these people that never got out and got to get a good real 9-5 job like me where I get paid to sit on my a$$ all day and stare into the bright light. I'm DOING THINGZ with my life, y'all. breaking even every month. (student loans don't count though!!) I'm a real life grown up. good thing for facebook and twitter so I can spend mass amounts of time stalking and making fun of this lame a$$ $hit while I live alone with my cats in the city doing my thang. #livingthedreamyall
she who won't be named from my high school in hellhole america just posted all these CRAY CRAY pix of herself taking her own pix in the mirror with her smarta$$ smart phone. DYING, Y'ALL. how pathetic is that. she's all fat and married up now. I mean, COME ON, I would never post pix of myself in anything but flattering light and with poses that don't shed light on the fact I now sit on my a$$ all day and drink my sorrows away at night. this gurlfriend was SO HAWT in high school and had all the HAWT GUYZ. looks like she has slipped into wifey mode now and lost that hotness. omg maybe she is preggers!! #spicygossipyall
meanwhile, I'm looking at this other post from CRAZYA$$ girl from back home too. (all the funniest $hit is from these back home people!! the ones who go extra cray cray because they never escaped that $hit). so anywayzz omg she apparently 'went to da club last night and ran into that b*tch agin. she a real trip. I got all crazy on dat hoe. she NO BETTA DAN TO TEXT MI MAN AGIN!!!' amen, sista. you tell a hoe what's up!
how pathetic are these people that never got out and got to get a good real 9-5 job like me where I get paid to sit on my a$$ all day and stare into the bright light. I'm DOING THINGZ with my life, y'all. breaking even every month. (student loans don't count though!!) I'm a real life grown up. good thing for facebook and twitter so I can spend mass amounts of time stalking and making fun of this lame a$$ $hit while I live alone with my cats in the city doing my thang. #livingthedreamyall
fave songzz OMG
love you carly rae, girl! you do your thang!!
#almostFamous
I've been thinking lately. perhaps I should just get uber FAMOUS (OMG!!) and get my own reality show or something like that, y'all. I mean the KardashKlan does welllll for themselves. (I see them on nuts commercials and all that $hit and vitatrim or whatever that shiz is). anywho, I think it could work for me I mean all you do is shop around and look fancy pants. go on VACAY now and then.
but also I could be less famous and start a fashion blog where I just take cute pix of myself all day everyday and post that shiz. It's a worldwide #trend now, y'all. I mean I already to it for my instagram pics and all my social medias so why not just start my own blog devoted to me. a legit job for those of us that just don't have much interest in anything other than traveling, shopping, bragging about both (discreetly!!), and like loads of cash to burn on these things. I mean I always wanted a life of just going from music festival to music festival!
guess that means option 2 is out of the question seeing as how I just spent my 2 months savings on drinks for all my co-workers at thirsty thursday. peer pressure and too many rounds of tequila, y'all.
but also I could be less famous and start a fashion blog where I just take cute pix of myself all day everyday and post that shiz. It's a worldwide #trend now, y'all. I mean I already to it for my instagram pics and all my social medias so why not just start my own blog devoted to me. a legit job for those of us that just don't have much interest in anything other than traveling, shopping, bragging about both (discreetly!!), and like loads of cash to burn on these things. I mean I always wanted a life of just going from music festival to music festival!
guess that means option 2 is out of the question seeing as how I just spent my 2 months savings on drinks for all my co-workers at thirsty thursday. peer pressure and too many rounds of tequila, y'all.
reality check
once upon a time I was a kid with big dreams and ambitions and all that crazy hyper stuff. then one day I grew up and was like, wow REALITY CHECK. real life really isn't that great when you grow up. #shattereddreamsyall
I mean, I thought you grew up and had a bangin' checking account with lots of $$$. I mean I thought you just finished school and earned that title. BOY I was wrong. I work my a$$ off all day to barely make ends meet. then I go out and drink girly cocktails with my soul sisters (LYLAS!!) to try to cope. viscous cycle, y'all.
maybe I'll just meet a rich boy like all those other 'friends' from my back home town did and got all knocked up and $hit. maybe they weren't so dumb now that I think of it. in the meantime, I'll be drowning my sorrows in a skinnygirl martini, MEOW. hopefully I get some cute instagrams for my profile tonight and snag me a man. #hottiealert
I mean, I thought you grew up and had a bangin' checking account with lots of $$$. I mean I thought you just finished school and earned that title. BOY I was wrong. I work my a$$ off all day to barely make ends meet. then I go out and drink girly cocktails with my soul sisters (LYLAS!!) to try to cope. viscous cycle, y'all.
maybe I'll just meet a rich boy like all those other 'friends' from my back home town did and got all knocked up and $hit. maybe they weren't so dumb now that I think of it. in the meantime, I'll be drowning my sorrows in a skinnygirl martini, MEOW. hopefully I get some cute instagrams for my profile tonight and snag me a man. #hottiealert
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